The Jagermeister

THE SHAPE OF WATER (possible spoilers ahead)


The Shape of Water. Any movie addict will automatically recognize that title. Needless to say, I’ve been dying to write about this movie ever since my eardrum got vibrated upon its mention. When I say dying, I literally mean it like The Jagermeister felt like dying a little just upon its watching.

Ever spent two hours watching a movie and once it’s done you feel like wow, that was easily the best use of my 2 hours today? Of course, it’s not like the rest of your hours are spent doing anything remotely useful but that’s beside the point.

Well, the Jagermeister has a formula for watching a movie. Firstly, I usually check the running time. In the world of the Jagermeister, a movie running for 1 hours 30 minutes is probably low budget production and you will likely be bored to death.

Movies between 1 hour 45 minutes to 2 hours are the real deal. Any movie that is more than 3 hours long, has part two and part 3 and if it ain’t Lord of the Rings, just know it probably ends with “to God be the glory” and I suggest finding better use of your time at that point.

Then there is that movie which has won awards, it’s trending and the actors have won awards…well, I rush up to find it and somehow the results have frankly been disappointing. Take La La La land for example; wow people actually liked it, I had no clue what that was all about. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand movies. I mean I watched Inception without getting a major headache and can still watch it confidently just to see if I missed something; nothing wrong with that, 8 times is not much anyway.

And now this Shape of Water movie. After all the hype, I had to watch it, right? And so, I did. 2 hours running time. Checked! So many awards? Check! And 1 hour 30 minutes into the movie and I’m still waiting for that award-worthy scene. Maybe I missed it but no, I’ve been glued to the screen the whole time; let’s just wait and still nothing. There is plenty of water involved though and it’s supposed to be a love story I think, oh and there is the love story cliché where a really bad thing threatens this love, some sort of test I guess, not to mention the lady with a masturbation schedule like same time every morning, yup can’t-un-see that.

Oh, look Russian spies, exciting right? And now the spies are dead. Wait, what?! Oh, and the water in the movie takes the shape of its container. Shocking I know. Almost forgot, there is magic too.

Maaan, you gotta love The Shape of Water. Knock yourself out, I don’t mean that literally, although chances are you actually might.



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