ThE SeXy DiVa!
By Philes Davis (The Famous).
Well, The Fat Sexy One is back in the office. Feels so gooder to be back. You see, the Fat One is one of the lucky few hustlers who’s ever experienced life outside M-Dubz. Well, do your research and you’ll know where she’s ever tried her luck, minus the beloved 265.
Overall, most Homo Malawianus (a sarcastic scientific name for a Malawian native that Sexy Diva has just coined) behave so weird, and unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on your side of the coin, are also too predictable.
So, having spent a fair share of her life in Nyasaland, The Fat Sexy One has come to observe some of the characters of a typical Homo Malawianus. As you’ll see from her summary, a typical homo Malawianus’s behavior is so intriguing. Let’s take a ride.
- Celebrating one’s downfall
Throughout the pages of history, it’s been said that to err is human; to forgive is divine. However, most Homo Malawianus find pleasure in next man’s downfalls. To them, The Fat Sexy Diva, for example, is supposed to be flawless. How they expect this to happen? Only them know! So, once somebody commits a mistake, then it’s voila! They’re on your neck as if you’re a demi-god who ain’t supposed to make no mistake.
Show me one human being, one Homo Malawianus who’s never made any mistake and I’ll show you a multitude of them who live nothing but an error-prone life yet are busy finger-pointing others of the latter msitakes, as if, they themselves, are flawless.
- They eat, drink, and sleep gossips
A pure Homo Malawianus spends millions of seconds talking sh!t about others, more especially those who are more successful. Instead of learning the nitty-gritties of how the next man, or the next chic around became successful, you’ll find a Homo Malawianus busy name-calling others. No wonder, most of us Homo Malawianus are living in abject pathetic poverty.
- Craziness; being Carefree is equated to immorality
Mention two craziest, as in free-minded Chics you’ve ever bumped into, then the Fat Sexy One, for sure, is going to be on the list. For those who’ve known The Fat Sexy Diva, they’ll easily testify that she’s some Hottie who doesn’t give an F about what people say about her. She’s free minded. She does what she wants, and where she wants with no remorse. Now! Now! Now! That’s where a typical Homo Malawianus capitalizes. To them, a Chic, a hot one like the Fat One, shouldn’t be free minded. She should always look down upon herself. You hang out with them boys, then you’re a whore! The moment a She-Malawian behaves crazily, then that becomes an immoral Lady who’s unMalawian. Whatever the F that means, that is up to Homo Malawianus. To them, craziness belongs to the malefolk!
- No matter how good you’re, they’ll still gonna hate you
Even if you stay indoors, don’t hang out, don’t club, don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t fight, always at church and living your low profile lifestyle, a Homo Malawianus will still find something negative to tarnish your image against. They’ll make a mountain out of literary any anthill in your life. To them, anything negative about you makes their day. It’s their bread and butter.
- A single lady shouldn’t be successful…unless she’s a Slay Queen
Welcome to Malawi where success is only equated to males. If you’re a lady, very successful but are single, then, to a Homo Malawianus, you’re nothing but a Slay Queen who’s reaping off from the fat pockets of married dudes. To them, a single Lady can’t climb up the echelons of power single-handledly. Come to think of it, fellow Sexy Divaz, isn’t this ridiculous? Or should we say witchcraft of some sort. I mean, where in the world was it written that success is gender-sensitive?
Fellow Divaz, that is the Malawi for you! Let me just close up by saying we all humans. We’re not perfect but let’s try to act better despite our flaws. Nobody is perfect so let’s not learn to judge others iwhtout understanding their plight first.