A PERVERT'S NEWS DIGEST
LILONGWE: Flabbergasted by Bullets and Wanderers officials’ swiftiness to unveil elaborate stadium blueprints, president Munthali is allegedly concerned over “who is fooling who on this damn issue.” President Munthali is said to have expressed his worry following news that officials from the two Blantyre football clubs presented stadium blueprints barely 24 hours after he had promised to construct stadiums for the clubs.
“What I don’t understand is the quickness with which they’ve unveiled their blueprints. I expected them to take months to come up with building plans, which would have bought me time to get away with this,” complained president Munthali.
Speaking on a strict condition of anonymity, a confidant of president Munthali has revealed to our reporter that the president expected the two clubs to drag coming up with construction blueprints and identifying sites for the stadiums, which would have allowed him to go past the ballots without spending a Tambala on the two ghost projects.
“Malawians will not know this, but the president made those empty promises in a desperate attempt to fish a few more votes that will give him a margin over the opposition. But damn, we didn’t expect the two clubs to act this fast. The ball is back in our court now,” explained the confidant.
The confidant went further to confirm that the president suspects that officials from the two clubs are a step ahead of him, which is the last thing the president wants. According to the confidant, president Munthali’s suspicion has been heightened by the two club’s unprecedented amicable collaboration at the unveiling ceremony despite reports that they were in bad blood over Precious Sambani.
“But Hetherwick assured me that the two clubs were beefing, which is why I expected them to dilly dally. Stupid Hetherwick. I guess it is true that you only trust a bald cadet at your own peril,” the president is said to have complained.
By press time, the confidant had assured our reporter that president Munthali has resolved to lay foundation stones in April at the sites identified for the said two stadiums to maintain the trust of gullible Bullets and Wanderers supporters ahead of the May 21 general elections.
“What did you expect? Laying foundation stones is a tactic that keeps giving. After all, it is about time the president made additions to the list of foundation stones he has laid during his presidency. Malawians respect that stuff,” concluded president Munthali’s confidant.