PERVERT'S NEWS DIGEST
ZOMBA: Former president madame Joyce Banda’s surprise decision to withdraw from the May 21st general elections has ruined Malawian rapper Fap G’s plans to reestablish his presence on the local Hip hop scene, it has emerged.
A source close to the rapper disclosed that Joyce Banda’s withdrawal from the race has left Fap G, born Chimenyeni Chilekwa, in a dilemma because he had already recorded a mixtape that aimed at campaigning for Joyce Banda’s second bid for the country’s top most office.
The 6-track mixtape, whose release was scheduled to coincide with the launching of the PP (People’s Party) manifesto, was billed to be the first Hip hop project in the history of Malawian urban music that exclusively aimed to campaign for a presidential candidate – a female candidate in particular.
But following Joyce Banda’s decision to join forces with MCP, the rapper has been left ruing not only the studio hours and money he invested in the project but also the impending fame that he had expected to gain.
Said the source, who spoke on a strict condition of anonymity, “this mixtape has banger after banger, bruh. Do you remember that collaborative “Odi uko Orange Anthem” track by Black Jak, Hyphen, Fredokiss, Dare Devils, Barry One and Ace Dirty from 2014? Trash. My boy Fap G’s mixtape is tenfold better.
Adds he, “Did he plan to vote for Amayi? Hell no! But with the 50-50 campaign, he figured that the donor community and local women’s rights NGOs would embrace his project and make him the poster boy of their ridiculous-yet-lucrative 50 – 50 campaign.”
Responding to Fap G’s predicament, Prof. John Phiri, who lost primary elections for the Mbakuwaku Movement for Democracy in Mulanje-Malabada constituency, decried the adverse impact that Fap G has been forced to endure following Joyce Banda’s move. In his protestation, Prof. Phiri advised Malawian youths to adopt principles of risk diversification as a means of safeguarding their investments from impetuous occurrences.
“In my opinion, Fap G would have been better off had he recorded tracks that hyped different presidential aspirants rather than focus on one. Imagine, who wouldn’t want to jam to a DJ Sley produced track that hypes Ras Chikomeni’s candidacy? Then think of a pure localized mumble tune that hypes Professor Mutharika? I don’t even have to mention the thought of trippy tune for Kaka Chilumpha.
“Fapper G [sic] should have known better,” concluded Prof. John Phiri.