LIFESTYLE | THE JAGERMEISTER
Oh, hie there! You’re definitely at the right place unless of course you’re looking for wisdom or some life changing advice. In which case, I’d say go watch the animation movie, Rango. Plenty of wisdom there; touching too. If not, go watch Cute Cat videos on YouTube. Not so sure how that’s life changing? Me neither.
Now, we’re here for much more serious stuff, like why do you feel the need to keep posting WhatsApp status updates every day? Is that like a hobby of yours or your life is just that boring or you need validation of your existence every day of your life?
We do appreciate the occasional Selfie, you know, the ones after your new haircut or after that weekly saloon visit. Is it weekly, bi-weekly? You really work hard at it though the Jagermeister at times, feels such an effort could be pumped into something more useful in your life, say, towards studies, or maneuvering your way to change your life financially.
Watching the viewed list rise must be exciting, not so? Of course, people hide their viewed statuses nowadays, so if you get like 5 views, don’t worry sister, of course your mom, uncle and those two besties of yours care, not to mention that random guy you never talk to.
Maybe teach your mom how to hide their viewed status ‘cause at this point I’m not sure if they actually want to be seen viewing or just ignorant of the technology. Spare me the agony after they actually start hiding theirs, I’m sure they still care, hell if they don’t, it’s none of Jagermeister’s business.
If one person replies with a cute cat emoji, it’s fine too. I’m pretty sure you put time and effort into that selfie of yours; just know, the people appreciate. The deleted selfies too and no they’re not ugly, sister, it’s all you, you don’t walk around with a duck face now, do you? Maybe try posting it on Instagram, it’s much better at pictures! You’ll get plenty of those love things that show that someone likes your cute selfie, something that they can’t do on WhatsApp status… and oh don’t forget Facebook, you are welcome by the way.
See I just changed your life, for the better too, I feel like some guru already. We should do this more often. If you don’t feel any changed, then you’re probably beyond saving even by me, your savior in times of depression.
Oh, how could I? How could I forget to introduce myself? How could I? I’m The Jägermeister, not that bitter-sweet German alcoholic liquid, nuh! But maybe whatever I do is somehow closely related to that….I don’t know.
You see, when I was just little kid, I loved writing and everyone made fun of me except this great brother of the wife to my father I had. He was always encouraging me. On his dying bed, he got me his diary of short stories, turns out he was a writer too and that was it and I kept writing regardless of what people thought about me or my writing.
And so here I am, except that I just made up that story, I mean come on, why does everyone feel the need to have touchy feely sob back story to feel successful? Why not just say, you know what? I’m a spoilt little brat who inherited a fortune and will continue to stunt in your face and this writing is just a hobby? Kind of like me; now don’t hate me just yet, ‘cause I’m just a guy with a smartphone with writing apps on it, just like how you are a photographer ‘cause of that smartphone of yours, but I do have a real sob story myself.
You see when my great grandmother was dying she pulled me really strongly by the hand and whispered “come closer”. I anxiously moved closer but when I got close enough she was dead. Now I’m not sure whether she was trying to impart some wisdom or taking me with her, go figure it out.
So anyways same time next Sunday! Adios!