Defining a Toxic Relationship


By Fiona Jacques Manda(La femme fatale)

Fellow divaz, have you ever been in a relationship that you just feel you are wasting your time in? Ever been in a camaraderie that you feel your services are not being properly appreciated? Ever felt like giving up and yet some inner voice keeps on pushing you to give him one more chance? Well, dear divaz, if you’ve ever been in such a scenario for an unnecessarily too long, then guess what? You’ve been in a toxic relationship. Well, a toxic relationship is simply toxic! No two ways about it! Without much ado, let’s see some elements of a toxic relationship.

  1. Your ideas are perpetually thrown to the trash bin

Every sane relationship is all about give- and-take. A relationship is not supposed to be a one-way affair. It’s supposed to be driven by inputs from both you and your Baby Boo.  Toxic deposits start manifesting theirselves in your relationship if either of you wants all their ideas to be calling shots in your affair.

It’s common knowledge that you may be having divergent views about various life issues. However, this doesn’t call for one side to always be dominating whatever you may be discussing. You both need to be appreciating each other’s viewpoints, and wherever possible, agree to disagree amicably. Should one side start becoming dictatorial and wanting only their views to run the affair, my lady, run for your life; you’re about to be imprisoned!  

  •  Extra Ordinary Restrictions

It’s normal for people to have boundaries on each other so that everybody is satisfied and comfortable in the relationship. For a toxic relationship, it’s way more than that. It’s like you’re in a prison and you don’t feel like you are in love. You feel caged in your own relationship.

There are some things that define who we really are. Such are the elements that our other half found us with. Now, a toxic relationship will see either side trying to change the other. This may be okay but when done frequently, then it’s very easy for one to feel caged.

A toxic relationship will be characterised by habitual “don’t-do-this-do-that” sojourn. 

  • Physical and emotional abuse

Gone are the days when we ladies had to be subjected to abuse of any sort. No  matter the gravity of the crime you can commit to your Boo, he has no rights whatsoever to emotionally nor physically abuse you. No way! If civilized conflict resolution strategies don’t work, then illtreating is no option.

Never make a mistake of being a biblical wife who could be on the negative receiving end of verbal, emotional or physical abuse. Never! Mistakes in a relationship are not solved by ill-treatment. So, dear ladies, if these are the modus operandi of your boy, then you just know! Toxic relationship.

  • He’s deviant to change

It’s a fact that each one of us enters the relationships with some ugly and desirable traits. Once you’re in the relationship, you do study your partner, and with time, do let go of those other traits of yours that you feel are counter-productive to your relationship. For the betterment of your affair, it’s advisable to offload some dirty old you.

Now, you’ll realise you’re in a toxic relationship if he/she’s revisiting his or herv past. If he/she’s still glued to his/her old silly habits that are bringing nothing but misery to your relationship, then know that it’s time to move on.

Get me clear here; you can’t change your Boo 100%. This is impossible. In the same way, you need to realize there are going to be some traits of his/hers that you are going to live with forever. However, there are others, that, if he/she really cares, can change for you; for the sake of your bond.

So, once you note that he/she’s resisting this change claiming that’s always been part of him (her), know that s/he’s not ready to accommodate you in his (her) life. Move on!

  • He/she makes you worse

As we’re growing up, we always want to associate with people who value our being, somebody who would also add value in our life. That is why it is important to choose wisely on whom to call Bae.

Every relationship has to make us feel more useful, not like some piece of trash ready to be thrown into the dustbin. What I believe in is that if you love someone, you’ve to help them become a better version of themselves and vice versa. 

If s/he constantly makes you unhappy, if s/he constantly breaks your heart, if s/he constantly cause any misery to you, my friend, you’re in a toxic relationship.


Fellow Divaz, life’s too short to be consistently complaining. Relationships are supposed to be offering us a lifeline of enjoying company of another soul. if you want good life, be with someone who will improve you, someone who will make you value every moment of your life. Get rid of that somebody who’s harming your life in various aspects.



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