PERVERT'S NEWS DIGEST
LIKOMA: Surprised by news about his recent promotion, a deceased primary school teacher in a cemetery at Likoma Island has revealed to his grave-mates that he is seriously considering to come back to life and continue his beloved trade.
The teacher, who had waited for his promotion for 7 years before Syphilis claimed his life in 2002, is said to have disclosed his thoughts at a round table meeting of the leadership of the cemetery.
Said the excited teacher to his colleagues upon learning of his unprecedented promotion: “y’all know how much I sacrificed for this promotion when I was alive. I offered free supplementary lessons to daft pupils, bought chalk with my own money when the school had nothing, volunteered to operate as a sports master to give pupils an outlet to relieve their stress…
I mean, I was distraught when Syphilis killed me before the Ministry of Education rewarded my efforts. But now to hear that the government, under the wise and dynamic leadership of Prof. Rangoston, has finally recognized my efforts and talents, I am more than thrilled,” clarified the jubilant teacher.
Commenting on the development, executive secretary of the ministry expressed concern that some Malawians are faulting the ministry for promoting teachers that have been on the waiting list for a long time. The secretary took the opportunity to elucidate to Malawians that saltiness over others’ promotion is the reason why Malawi is struggling to develop.
“Until Malawians learn to be happy when others have been promoted, this country will continue to languish in the doldrums of development. Envy is a cancerous disease,” explained the secretary.
“Yes, some of the promoted teachers are deceased but so what? This government is committed to the principle of equitable access to opportunities, and what a better way to manifest that principle than making sure that we promote teachers regardless of their living status?” quizzed the executive secretary.
By press time, the Head Teacher of Mphenembe FP school where the deceased teacher used to conduct his duties, expressed indifference over reports that the teacher is considering to return. The headteacher told our reporter that he is excited because the school needs extra teachers but on the other hand, he is worried because the teacher might bring back Syphilis in the school community.