ThE SeXy DiVa!
By Promise Thembisihle Chandilanga
Now hol’ up, hol’ up!
Don’t give me that look, we all know you guys missed me lol
But hey Taa-daa your sexiest Diva is home!
So you see I just thought that I should pass through here to check on you guys before I proceed to work.
Remember Angela? Yes the girl who I bitch-moved and hanged her then boyfriend who of course later dumped me… Remember? Yesssss that’s her, and guess now we friends lol Now mind you sindikumujedatu eti, you are my dearies so you might as well know.
So Angela was trying to “hook herself up”, and I repeat “HERSELF” to this other ex-crush of mine, Adam.
Now don’t get me wrong here, Adam is a good man. ‘Adam’ like the first man in the existence of God’s creatures, indeed gat all the first grade assets a man is supposed to have. I mean ladies you can picture a man whose anatomy screams sexiness, in every cell and fibre.
Adam…. Well, I’m at loss of words here but…. He…aaaaww he’s jus everything!O-h my god am drooling. This guy is just a complete dude every Diva would crave for. Adam is a man… Divas, Adam is walking sex….
*What?!! Yes, I said it hahahaha*
So back to our sweet Angellina. Ever since I and her bumped into Adam this other night at Cockpit Lounge, she went crazy.
When I say crazy I mean the Facebook stalking madness which then resulted in stealing his number in my phone; called the guy and faked a wrong number.
Believe you me Angela reached to that point. Yeeess! Funny, not so?
And two weeks later, Angella was already swimming in his bedsheets. No offense here but I was kinda offended a bit . I mean I knew him first but never came close to even sniff his cologne but here is this cockroach ahead of me. …humph *sniff sniff* anyway there are more Adams out there maybe just too broke for my liking Hahaha.
Now here comes the sweetest part. I didn’t even count to 5 bed dates and Angella had already started complaining to me about how each day Adam was distancing himself from her. She mentioned things like how he always seemed unsure when she asked when they were to meet again. So her conclusion was that he had just wanted to eat the cookie. Lol isn’t that any man’s motive? lol anyway it’s none of my business.
So as a ‘good’ friend I had to come in handy, I contacted Adam for a short talk and he invited me over his place.
*Waaaaaaatttt? Look! Nothing happened…we were just talking*
And niggah talked! Ladies when I say talked, picture my sexy slender well sculptured hands raised in surrender. So to save you the whole 5 hours lecture he gave me, allow me Divas to put it in 4 simple points.
Now listen carefully, and repeat after me ladies, “Guys hate cringy, pressurizing, breathing-down-your-neck type of women”.
- A girl who tries hard to squeeze herself in a guy’s schedule anytime, everywhere and anyhow is not sexy at all.
- A girl who digs through a guy’s phone book and question him about every girls’ name in his contact list including his mother is a no-no.
- A girl who screams and fall tantrums when a guy associates with other women friends yet we both know she will Google the next cute guy that just passed is a total turn off.
- Men need life apart from you. They need time to have a Green and watch soccer with them boys. They need time to do their hustle. Cringy women aren’t productive at all and this is not what a man need nowadays. Please let them breathe azimayi iiiiihhhhhh!!!!
Fellow Divaz, I’m done.
Pass me my bag I hear my phone vibrating.
Guess who’s calling?
Chotola salanda odi tichengete ife lol!!!!!